Monday, February 28, 2011
It's getting better, but it sure is taking a long time!!
Well, it's been a month since Jessi left me. I just realized that! She's gotten on with her life, and is fine. I am better than I was, that's for damn sure, but I'm not good. Not by a long shot. Hell, she's so involved with her program, she's got all the days mapped out for the next year. And you know what? She is sooooooo over me, I don't know what I'm doing still agonizing over her. I suppose because I love her. But, I want her to be happy, and she can't be happy with me, so it logically follows that I will be ok with the divorce. So, enough about that, let's get down to the reason I started this blog: my disease! When Jess left me, I lost it for a couple of weeks, went off the deep end. But, I survived it, and made it back to the rooms. It's very hard for me now, because I relapsed, and because Jessi still goes to most of the same meetings, and I feel like a big joke that everyone else is in on. Silly? Perhaps, but you have no idea what a wild ride the last 5 years have been. I'm going to bed. I'll try again tomorrow.