Friday, December 31, 2010

NYE 2011

And I'm pretty sure we are just going to sit around the hose, be in bed by ten or something. Blah!! Maybe something will shake out,  who knows?

Thursday, December 30, 2010

@ an AA meethng. Havent been to many lately. Not really feeling them these days.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

I hate the effin' holidays

I was happier when they were the "holidaze". I'm just saying. I HATE the holidays. Just more to remind me what a complete and utter failure I have become. Ironically, it's the one thing I'm good at, apparently. So, I hope all of you have a great New Years. For me, it's just another year that my life got worse. Gee, can't wait to see what 2011's got in store for me!!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas, revisited

I was just interacting with one of Ashley and Adam's cousins, who has always been family to me, regardless of whether Maria is or not. It hurts a LOT to ask Alis if she saw the pictures of my kids shooting pistols with my stepfather. I am not, at this point in my life, a father at all. I just hope I have it in me to do something about it. My life is in poor damn shape right now, and I can't do a thing about a lot of the problems. I guess I'd better started with the things I do have some modicum of control over....

Merry Christmas

Christmas. Thank God it's almost over! I know I should embrace the holiday spirit, but it's hard for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the things I do have, but it's tempered by the desire to spend it with my children. Anyways, another year bites the dust. It's this time of year when one's thoughts drift back to the accomplishments of the past 12 months. Unfortunately, I can't really think of too many.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Worst. Christmas. Ever.

My .life sucks so badly. My kids? They're in Florida. And I don't have a single say in it. The more I try to do the right thing, the worse my life sucks. I just don't get it. Some people have everything handed to them, don't have to pay rent, have nice cars, just sit back and chill. At least someone gets to see my kids this Christmas. I wish there was no holidays. Every day, I am reminded of what a total waste my life is. Every day, everyone else but me gets to see my kids. I don't even know why I bother. I'm about ready to quit.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

I hate the effin holidays

Period. Hate them. Why, you ask? One reason. My kids, or lack thereof. I am being denied my children STILL.    I have done everything the courts wanted, but apparently that's not good enough for Maria, so I still can't see my kids. And for this, I will never forgive you. And trust and believe, I won't forget, either. Merry freakin' Christmas.