Why, why, why?!?!?!

So, I cannot understand why I continually sabotage my life at every turn. Just when it looks like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel with Drug Court, I finally reach the fourth phase, I go and drink a couple beers, and get a positive urinalisys. I absolutely cannot afford to go to jail for a week right now. Cannot. I have appointments with surgeons, other prior commitments, and just plain do not like jail. I have a dog that cannot feed herself. I do not understand why I do the things I do. It's like when someone hurts me, I hurt myself to spite them. No one is hurt by my being incarcerated but me. It just hurts me in so many ways. I have a hard time actually accepting how badly I keep fucking up my life. Sorry. There's really no other word that adequately describes my actions. But, I suppose that I will just go to group tomorrow and see what happens and try to maintain a positive attitude. Daddy always told me, "Son, if you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough."