Lake Henshaw Trip

So, we've been planning this trip with all out AA friends for months. I get out of jail today. She can't even spend the night with me tonight. She's going to be sleeping in a tent with other people at the campout. Women or not, a hundred people we know will see her with here new "family", and me camping all by mysself. Now how would that make you feel? Maybe I've done some bad shit in the past, but so has she. I was in my addiction. I'm trying to get  past he past, but she's clinging to it and using it as justification to publicly humiliate me, every single day. I just don't know how much more I can take. I guess she's moved on past me, but still wants to act like a couple when it suits her, and I don't know what to do, besides keep playin the sucker. How's the song go? The more you suffer, the more you show you really care!!!! I 'm just a sucker with no self esteem. I can' even sleep, I just get out of jail, and sh'ed rather stay with another family, the husband who she said herself, "scares her". I guess anything's better than me. I'm going to lay down with Brindy. At least she hasn't left me, yet. She's all I've got left . And hell, I can't even really take care of her. Fuck, no wonder I'm alone. I'm fucking pathetic. I'm falling asleep at the keyboard, so I guess I'll curl up with my puppy, and try to sleep. Sorry this entry is so incredibly self depreciating, it's just how my world is crumbling. No, constricting. Like a python or something. I really, really, don't like who I am right now. But hey, at least I'm imploding while sober. Whoopee!!!