I think I might be codependent....

Because it seems to me like I always gotta have a woman living with me, even when it's so bad that I'm going to jail every week for domestic violence, even when I wake up to a fight every single day, I still freak out when she moves out. But the difference today is that I am not going to the bar at 6 am tomorrow morning after smoking speed all night. I'm not depending on a chemical crutch to numb me to all the feelings that I try to smoke into submission because I don't know how to deal with them. Today, I almost, I mean almost, did it. It was so close, but instead I took a nap, and Brindy came up and laid down with her head on me, and I read the Bible until I went to sleep, and just woke up. And I know that I gotta watch out, because it's very easy for me to slip into a deep, serious depression, and stay in bed for days on end. One time, I was working on a bridge, and staying in a motel at the foot of the bridge, and I quit around Thanksgiving I think, and didn't get out of bed until around Christmas. Maybe I've got the dates wrong, but I remember some of the guys from the job coming around and trying to get me to come out, the assistant superintendant tried to get me to come back to work, but I just couldn't. It took running out of money to get my ass out of there. But, that was a different place and time, and I am really trying to be a different man today. Hopefully it'll work. So, just for today, I'm going to be content with just being Paul.