I wonder if anyone reads this

I would like to think that I don't care, that I do it for me. And I do, but my pride wants me to have lots of followers. I'm working on it, but it's slow going. I want to be a good Christian, and am beginning to surround myself with like-minded men. I have a hard time reconciling myself to the fact that I'm never going to be able to enjoy a Bud Light again. It's very, very difficult for me. You wouldn't think that it would be. If I was to document say ten percent of my escapades, you would think me a great writer of fiction. But trust and believe, it's all Gospel truth. And once again, my ego rears it's ugly head. I shouldn't want to brag about my misadventures. I have hurt a great many people, and done much that I'm not proud of. I have also done much good, and done things that 99 percent of the general population will never dream of doing, if even they had the opportunity. I don't really know where I'm going with this. I am going in for some pre-op tomorrow, and I am terrified. Mortified. Scared as hell. I put on a nonchalant front, but this is new territory for me, and I have an irrational fear of the unknown. I am trying to bolster myself. It would be so much easier to do this at home. Jessi is supporting me, and is there for me, but there's nothing like having your family around you in stressful times. I am even going so far as to get baptized the day before my surgery. I like to tell people I'm hedging my bets, just in case. It's not true, of course. The timing just happened to work out that way. I suppose I should see it as further evidence of God at work in my life....never hurts to have a little celestial insurance, either way! And now, I'm going to go list out ways that my life has became unmanageable, and how my drinking has affected my life. Step work, it's called in the program. So, here goes.....