A little better,

But not too much. Okay, I'm going to make a concerted effort to get off my pity pot and actually do something for a change. But what? Work really is crappy. I like the work, but for the first time in my life, I'm not the strongest, fastest, best worker there. My back is killing me right now. And I have no idea how to react. I don't know how to be second best. It sounds silly, but it's serious to me. So I have no idea how to go about having a normal life, it turns out. I'm kinda confused about what to do about a couple of things that are really affecting my life negatively. I have a huge hole in my heart where my kids used to be, and I can't fill it with anything but hatred and darkness. And boy, I know exactly where that takes me! So I'm confused, lonely and hurt (in more ways than one). I really hate the holidays now. Hate with a capital H-A-T-E. I wish Christmas and the holidays didn't exist, if I can't be with my kids. How's that for a little better? I guess I was kidding myself. Life sucks.