I really hate

being poor!! The morning meditation for AA was about humility. It went something like this: The very act of humbling ourselves brings us closer to the sunlight of the spirit. Well, let me tell you, for the vast, overwhelming part of my life, I've been the diametrical opposite of humble. Last year, when I got a pretty big check, you couldn't tell me ANYTHING!! I knew it all, and was happy to tell you. I traipsed all over Southern California in a drugged out haze, thinking I was the smartest person on the planet. In approximately four months, after spending $160,000.00 USD, I was broke. I had no job, a bad back, a drug program of 18 months staring at me instead of the 9 month one that I blew off. This is how bad I was: I called the Prop. 36 program manager from a casino floor, where I was sitting at a slot machine I had just won about 7,000.00 on. I told her "You hear that? That's a winning jackpot. That's more money than you make in four months. I'm going to spend it on Budlight, ecstasy, and speed tonight. I'm quitting your program. Tell the judge I'm in Vegas, come and find me." Yeah. Meet Paul, the smartest idiot in the hemisphere. Well, today, I'm in a much more stringent Drug Court program, my car I was so proud of has been repo'ed, my truck is sitting in the driveway with expired tags I can't afford to update, I still can't work in my lifelong trade, and never will because of an injury, and I don't know how we're gonna pay last month's rent, to say nothing of this months. But, hey, I'm sober. Maybe that counts for something, I'm just not sure yet. And on that note, I think I'll go take the city bus to court ordered class now. Oh, how the mighty (stupid) have fallen!!