I am trying to do all the right things these days

And I'm not even talking about drinking or using drugs. I am horrible about doing the little things, like calling to make physical therapy appointments, or keeping appointments that I make. I don't know why I am like that, but I am really trying to get better. I am now writing things on the calendar, making a to do list, etc. etc. I WILL start acting like a normal person. I guess that because I just did what I wanted to, when I wanted to for so many years, I have to get used to being responsible. I guess it's time I grew up, huh?

Irresponsibility revisited

Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhh!!!! Why is life so damn hard? I am so damn tired of being a f*ck-up. Just when it seems like we're going to be able to get on track and keep our heads above water, something happens. While it's not my fault this time, it's a by-product of my past. I finally start working again, for the first time since July 5, 2006, and I'm on the job less than 3 months before I'm back out of work because of my shoulder. As it turns out, it's not actually my shoulder this time, but my spine. Upon examining the x-rays, Dr A, the orthopedist I was sent to by my insurance carrier, exclaimed "You know, you have the neck of a 70 year old man!". How reassuring! So the next step is an MRI, which the ortho doc has to get approved by the insurance adjuster. It's a very crooked, very nasty game dealing with workers comp. The last time this happened, I was out of work approximately 5 months before I received any compensation. But, this time, I'm not going to drink and drug myself into a stupor each and every day that passes! I sometimes am struck with sudden clarity, and realize a little bit more the extent of damage my years of addiction have caused. I was at the docs office today, and thought that the receptionist looked familiar, but just dismissed it. Then, as I was being interviewed by the assistant, taking my history, she suddenly looked at my file, turned a few pages, and said "Why we saw you here in 2008 for your last injury!" Imagine how silly I felt, sitting in the room telling the woman my medical history, and it was right there in front of her, and I didn't remember that I was ever there. And to make matters worse, I wasn't just there once, I saw them for a couple of months, probably went to the office 20-30 times. Well, as I am trying to learn, I cannot live in the past. I cannot do anything about it, so I don't need to bitch and whine about it. I'm just sayin'. And as I am starting to ramble, I shall close now.

Ahhhh, the joys of being irresponsible for years and years!

You know, I own everything I've ever done. Yes, there's been lots of things I have done wrong, or not done right, yada yada yada......But sometimes enough is enough. Here is a quote from yesterday's letter I received from the County of San Diego Department of Child Support Services:  In order to avoid additional legal action, the total balance due must be paid immediately. What, you may ask, is the total balance that the County of San Diego would like me to pay immediately? Why, only $159,553.62. How do they come to this astronomical, almost absurd amount? That is a great question. One that I cannot get the answer to from anyone. But, it's ok, because the County, in their infinite wisdom, is going to :

a. Suspend my drivers license
b. Suspend any State of California issued licenses, permits, credentials, and certificates
c. Inability to obtain or renew U.S. passport
d. Bank account levies
e. Wage assignment of up to 50% of disposable income. (As calculated by the same math savants that calculated that fabulous amount referred above). 

Boy, is this class booooring!

studying is so much harder when the subject is sooooo dry and boring!

Oh boy, this class is really dragging on.....It's the first class I've actually had to study for...

Ummmmm.......

I don't have another Drs. appointment until until Wednesday. I am going to tell him to either return me to full duty or no duty, one or the other. Being on a limited duty status means I do not get worker's comp. That's how they get around paying you. So, instead of being wishy washy, beind afraid of hurting somebody's feelings, I am going to go in there and be assertive. It only took me 39 years to realize that! ;^)

7am and we are @ an AA meeting. I like to start my day off right!