Monday

So it's Monday. Mondays aren't that bad for me, I don't have to go to Drug Court, so that's cool. Had kind of a crummy weekend, fought a lot. I've been super depressed lately. And I've been in a whole lot of pain, which certainly doesn't help matters. I have been worried about finances a lot. Thinking a lot about all the money I wasted. Yeah, I know it doesn't do any good, and it won't bring back the scrilla, but hey, I'm only human. It will be over a year until I get me certificate from SDSU in Construction Inspection Technology, December of 2010 actually, and it seems like that's SOOOOO long from now! It's not really, but right now it's so hard to make ends meet. Jessi is trying so hard, she just got a second job. She's worn out I know. I take a lot of work, I'm very high maintenance. Not like you think, I just have a hard time doing some stuff because of my myriad of health issues. And I am so down so much of the time. It pisses me off. I'm not stupid, I'm not lazy. I know what I should be doing, but lots of the time, I cannot make myself leave the house. I can't explain it. It's like if I ignore problems they'll go away. I KNOW they won't. I think maybe it's like social anxiety or something. Of course, I don't like going to appointments, so I missed my psychiatric appoint last week. On top of everything else I have to take the bus now, and it's really hard for me to get on it knowing I have to go to Mission Valley. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I gotta do something. Well, here's hoping that things get better!

What a pain in the a$$

Not really, but I thought it was a cute title. It's actually a pain in my back, and it's pretty intense today. It's sad, because I'm normally such an active person, and this back thing has sidelined me pretty effectively. So, I'm kinda mopey about that. Also sucks because I'm in Drug Court. That means no narcotic painkillers. I'm not addicted to painkillers, really don't like them. Never took them to get high. In fact, they make me ill, nauseated. It's always a toss up for me, take the Vicodin and have the pain decrease, but the vomiting may very well start. Anyhoo, because it's a narcotic I can't take it. I do in fact realize that it's of my own doing, but that damn sure doesn't mean I gotta like it! My overactive imagination has been working overtime lately since I'm kinda stuck around the house these days. I find myself dwelling on all the blown chances I've had, all the money I've squandered, all the careers I won't have, etc. etc. ad infinitum. It doesn't get me down really, just kinda sucks. Well, thank goodness I've got Brindy the therapy dog here! We'll just go for a walk. So, bye for now.