Blah!

I feel terrible today. I guess I'm going to have to get used to my back constantly hurting. Hopefully, surgery will alleviate that. I had a horrible Father's Day. My children's mom doesn't allow me to see the children. I know that I played the deciding role in that, but still, I am absolutely no danger to the kids ( who, by the way, won't be kids much longer! Ashley turns 18 in 2 weeks, Adam turns 14 tomorrow!) but she still insists on playing these games. But, I'm broke, on disability, and really have no way to force her hand on this issue. So, for now, I'll just do what the Good Book and the Big Book says, and pray for her. I finally get to go back to phase 4 at drug court this week, and I'll only have to go twice a week instead of 5 days a week. Hopefully I'll phase up to aftercare this Friday, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up about that, they have a way of letting me down. Actually, to be more accurate, I have a way of sabotaging myself every time I start to get ahead, or get a little recovery under my belt. I've gotta start putting the blame where it lies, with myself.