I forgot to blog yesterday

I think. I have been struggling lately with my life. Again, it's not being able to see my kids. It occupies my every waking moment. Every time that Zoe is here, it makes me that much more morose. Now don't get me wrong, it's not Zoe's fault I can't see the kids. She asks for them all the time. It's not Jessi's fault, either. Hell, it's not really Maria's fault. It's all mine. And I can own that today. So I guess that's improvement. I have also had a hard time getting into the whole "recovery" thing. I keep thinking to myself that I'm not going to attend meetings anymore after drug court. That I don't need them. All those people are losers who have replace drugs/alcohol with meetings. Well, so what? Better addicted to meetings than meth! It's my self centered, selfish ego that has a problem with the whole addict thing. I can admit it out loud, at a meeting, but do I really really believe it? I don't know. And I suppose that I don't know is the same as I'm not. So maybe I need to start working the steps. I'm on my second sponsor, my first decided that with my connections, I'd be a good drug dealer for him, so he had to go. Yeah, he's in jail now. My new sponsor, Pete, a retired Navy diver, is good as gold, a great guy that I can relate to. He's just not really into leading me through the steps. I think maybe I'm his first sponsee. I've been thinking lately that I need a new sponsor. So stay tuned, the drama continues!!