Another Saturday

Here in lovely San Diego. I have been struggling with my identity of late. No, not like that. I have tons of ID. I mean about who I am, who people perceive me as. I like being in recovery, but still in the back of my head think of it as a stigma, somehow it makes me less than other people. A few problems with that. One, I know that I'm a way better person today, not having to worry about the authorities, or hiding it from the kids, or having to hustle to pay for that last front, any of that. Today, I can concentrate on being the best person I can be. And I can remember a time when I was a pretty good dude. I guess I don't want to be a "square", I don't know. I just know that I'm confused and maybe a little overwhelmed. I want to not want to get loaded anymore, but that just hasn't happened yet. Hopefully it will sooner or later. I want to be secure in myself image in recovery, but that hasn't quite happened yet, either. But, I was a doper for a lot of years, and I need to keep reminding myself that it won't happen overnight. Until next time, PEACE!