Helloween

Happy Halloween, everyone. And, no, that wasn't a misspelling above. That's how I feel about this holiday without my kids. And every other holiday. And, well, every day. Now don't misunderstand me, I fully admit that I've been a horrible parent. I own my part in everything today. But having said that, it needs to be put out there, for some in my audience, and you know who you are, that their mom is on speed to this very day. It's prescribed, sure, but guess where she goes for the script? T.J. of course. It's called Adipex-P or Phentermine. Really good pharmaceutical speed, actually. Before you go berating me, or stop reading altogether, realize that speed is what I'm in trouble for. I fully realize that ad hominum attacks are fallacious by their very nature, but I'm not attempting to attack. Maybe just make me look like not such a heinous monster. I don't know. I just thought it was worth bringing to the table, since the issue at the very heart of my child custody case is drug abuse. But, hey, I'm a felon. Don't take my word for it.

Happy Halloween.

Lessons In Humility, Part I

You know, growing up, I always heard about humility, and how desirable a trait it is. At church, in Sunday school, there were lessons on it. In recovery they make a pretty big deal out of it as well. Well, I'm here to tell you folks, did I ever get a dose today. It shouldn't be that big of a deal, and I suppose that it really isn't, but it's on my mind enough to mention it here. Jessi and I have applied for Food Stamps, and there has been some administrative errors on the behalf of the county office. So, today I had to go down there and stand in the huge line snaking around the enormous lobby and out the front door. That in and of itself isn't that bad. Well, that's actually part of it. After about an hour, not too bad, I get to the front. I had to wait for an English speaking representative to help me. No problem. She asks what I wanted, I tried to explain it to her, over her constant interruptions. I won't bore you with all the gory details, but the end result was that I was then told to take a seat and my name would be called. All I needed were replacement forms to fill out (to replace the ones they lost). So, after negotiating my way around screaming infants, dozens of unattended toddlers playing WWF off the chairs, and by the signs informing me that they are fresh out of H1N1 vaccine, I found a seat. There I sat, minding my own business for the next, oh, three hours. I made good use of the time, writing part of my second step while I waited. But, unfortunately for us, I had to be at the South County Center for Change, AKA Drug Court, at 11:30. So, those 3 hours were just a practice run. I would go back in the morning, but I have court at 9:00, then group at 12:00. So Monday it is. I know that in the past I have been very smug and thought I knew it all a lot. My intelligence coupled with constant abuse of a vast cornucopia of pharmaceuticals convinced me that I knew everything, and I shared that belief with many many people, usually customer service representatives or the like. But today, oh today, I'm getting a crash course in advanced humility. And you know what? I'm going to walk through it with grace and dignity, knowing that I am growing with each event that embarrasses me, every time I let something slide that I used to call people on. So that's my lesson for today. Zoe and I are here at home, we went to Shakey's and ate some pizza and played some games, and she's in the tub trying her level best to water the entire bathroom floor. I asked her if she thought maybe some soap would be a good idea, only to be informed that she took a comprehensive bath at her Daddy's house last night, and that tonight's event is strictly for play. And that's ok, cause she's going to get clean anyways. God, thank you for today.

Paul, reconsidered

So I was walking on the beach with Brindy a while ago, and was reflecting on how strange life is, if you think about it. For me, at least. I was just trying to walk the dog, but I kept thinking about Drug Court, and how they have a hold on me for the next year. Then I started thinking about my back, which hurts all the time, and how nice it would be to smoke a bowl of marijuana and stop the back pain for a while. I mean, they told me now that I can take Vicodin as long as I have a prescription, which I do. So, I think to myself, in the forward thinking Peoples Republic of California, I can obtain a valid prescription for marijuana as well. It's safer than opiates, not nearly as addictive, the benefits go on and on. But, I then remind myself that I do not have that option because of choices that I have made in my life, and that I had better just walk doggie-poo back home and go to an NA meeting. Which is where I'm going right now.

Construction Inspection Technology

Actually, it's Structural Concrete Inspection tonight. One component of the Construction Inspection Technology certificate. But, it's tonight. Actually, in about an hour  and a half. I'm really excited about this, I've always wanted to be a Special Inspector, and now I'm going to get the chance. Had something I wanted to write about earlier, but forgot before I got online. Oh well, gotta go get ready for class. More later, I promise.

First test

In Concrete Inspection tonight. I'm kinda nervous, but I know the material so I really shouldn't be. Couldn't lay down anymore, hurts my back, so here I am! Playing FB games until time for the AA meeting. Have a great day, everyone.

Introspection

Is a good thing on a Sunday afternoon, just me and the dog at home, so I've been thinking. I took a scalding hot bath just now, I have been in severe pain since last Sunday, when I had a skateboarding accident. Unfortunately the bath didn't help the back, but I lay in that steamy water and thought back over the years on my meager attempts at rehabilitation. I suppose my very first effort was at the ripe old age of 16, when I successfully attained my first DUI. I had to undergo an evaluation by an alcohol and drug professional. I thought absolutely nothing of it. It didn't bother me, I never for one instant thought, "Gee, a DUI right after I get my license? Hmmm.... maybe I should slow down". I did, however learn some things. I was very naive at the time, and answered the questions truthfully. I drank about a six pack a day during the week, 12 to 18 beers a night on the weekend. At that point he told me I didn't have to lie to impress him. Little did he know, I was telling the truth. So that didn't go very well. After that incident, I never told a person in a position of authority the truth about my alcohol and drug use until this year. I also thought about people I knew that are no longer with us or that ruined their lives early on. My cousin Kim, killed in an automobile accident attributable to drugs.  Charles, a friend I was in a faith based sober living home with, who had two bachelors degrees from Tulane University, then came out here to California and died in a crack house. Will, another friend I worked in the Bahamas with. Went to the islands to get away from heroin, and traded it for cocaine. One night we were at a casino on Grand Bahama Island, and Will met a girl from a cruise ship that had some heroin. Next day, he's dead. The list goes on, but I don't think I'll list them all. And I think about how easily it could have been me. Almost was, a few times. My wife tells me that God has something planned for me, that's why I'm still here. Mom, much the same. Mary Linda, a woman at a sober living home, told me that God loved me more than most, that's why I have so much trouble in life, to bring me back closer to him. Who can tell? I do know one thing, there is a God, and He is at work in my family's lives today. So, until next time......